Tamashii no Yakusoku
by Syaoran no Miko
Summary: AU; Yue and Yukito's first meeting


DISCLAIMER: CCS is (c) CLAMP and associates, yadda yadda yadda. You're wasting your time if you sue.

This what-if' on how Yue and Yukito came together is an alternate prequel where nothing adheres to the manga plot line. Be warned that there are yaoi implications. C&C is very welcome; any flames will be deleted into virtual nothingness. 

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Tamashii no Yakusoku (Soul's Promise)

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It had been drifting aimlessly around for a long time. 

So far, it had not done anything. It did not *want* to do anything. The pain and anger that had threatened to consume it at first had lessened somewhat, but only to be replaced by a gaping void and dull ache that was almost as hard to bear.

Y_ou didn't __have__ to die. You didn't. Why wouldn't you let me go with you instead of putting me through this? How could anyone else possibly take your place?_

Master

*~*~*~*~*

There was a young boy seated at the far back of the plane in a window seat. 

Unlike his somewhat more riotous peers on the same flight, he was a rather quiet child, not particularly outstanding at first glance. Indeed, if it had not been for the eyes, his pale colouring coupled with hair a light shade of silvery-grey would have made him seem almost insipid, but those wide, deep pools of liquid hazel set below finely arched brows and long sooty lashes prevented that. 

And 9-year old Tsukishiro Yukito now stared silently out of the plane window, watching the cold white masses of clouds drift by.

"Ara, Yuki-chan, why so quiet?" The woman seated beside him stretched out a slender hand to ruffle his hair, soft green eyes concerned. "Are you feeling all right? Want something to drink, maybe?" 

"Iie," Yukito turned, gracing her with a soft smile. "I'm fine, really. I suppose I'm just tired, Meiko-obaasan." She wasn't his real aunt, just a guardian that had been sent to accompany him on his flight back to Japan, but she had insisted that he address her that way. He reminded her of her own son, she said. 

"Souka? Then sleep if you want to. There's still plenty of time." She smiled kindly and picked up her magazine again.

Yukito returned to gazing out the window. So many clouds, all different shapes and sizes, floating in the air so free and easy

_"Hora, Yukito! Aren't the clouds lovely today? Mite! That one's a flowerthere's a ribbonoh, and *that* one looks like a horse with three tails! Looks like the clay one you gave me for my birthday, ne?" Laughter, gently teasing._

"'Kaa-san! I did try!"

More laughter. "I know, silly boy. I love it just the way it is." 

The sunlight glinting off them pricked his eyes a little, though. They were suddenly feeling suspiciously moist. Come to think of it, he'd always preferred the moon's gentle glow to the sun's harsh glare.

It was bright, perhaps too bright, but after some time, it became dark without his being aware of it.

*~*~*~*~*

A tremendous vibration rocked the plane. Yukito's eyes flew open--he'd fallen asleep, he belatedly realised. Another rumble assaulted the craft, making it yaw terribly, and the slight boy clutched the handles of his seat for dear life. Above the discordant whining of the engines, shrill shrieks and shouts sliced through the air around him, making him wince. Beside him, he heard Meiko-obaasan's pained gasp as her leg smacked soundly into a food tray that had rolled into the aisle. The window showed rooftops and fields--they were descending rapidly. Too rapidly for comfort. 

What on earth was happening? But even as the question came, an icy fear rose in his heart. The plane wassomething was wronghe was going to diesomehow, he inexplicably *knew*. His whole body began to tremble uncontrollably.

Die

All his breath was jarred out of him by a huge bump--the plane had touched down on the runway. "Yuki-chan, we're safe!" Meiko-obaasan cried jubilantly, putting an arm around him. "Daijobuwe'll get out of here just fine!" 

He wanted to believe her, but it was impossible. Chigauhe could *feel* ithe waseveryone was going to die

"IYAAAA~!" 

One final shudder, and the aircraft exploded in a mass of flames.

*~*~*~*~*

There was a sudden *pull* at its senses that effectively got its attention. The spirit stirred, feeling a faint sense of curiosity.

_Reiki _it mused. _The ningen is most likely in emotional unbalance--powerful waves, but totally out of control. Strong, for a ningen. _

Another reiki wave, followed by two more in quick successionand then the ki-magnitude decreased abruptly, fading almost to nothing.

_Nani_

The ki was still there, but now it was no more than the faintest of brushes at its mind. Something had happened. If it sent out its awareness a little way, it could feel the intensity of the emotions behind the ki as if they were its own--fear, terror, pain.

And above all, an overwhelming desire to _live_.

In spite of itself, the spirit could not brush away a vague sense of interest. It *was* unusual, it felt, to come across a ningen with such determination to cling to life. 

_Perhaps this one could even have taught you a thing or two, Clow, _it thought somewhat bitterly.

Maybemaybe there was a chance that the ningen would prove satisfactory. And even if it did not, there could be no harm in merely checking. One way or another it was going to have to spend the greater part of the future amongst humans--it might as well begin interacting, if it could be so called, with them now.

Perhaps doing this might make it possible to forget the gnawing *emptiness* inside, even if only for a little while. It was far better than nothing.

The spirit closed its eyes, and concentrated on locating the ki-source's exact position.

*~*~*~*~*

"He was the only survivor?" the doctor queried, nodding his head towards the small figure swathed almost completely in gauze on the bed.

"One of those miracles, it was. For the life of me I can't see how *anyone* could have lived through that explosion. Coulda knocked me down with a feather when I found he was still breathing." The paramedic he had been addressing shook his head ruefully.

"Well, he's going to need another miracle to pull through now," came the terse response. "He's got multiple lacerations and broken appendages, and we don't even know if there's any internal bleeding yet. It's a miracle he was thrown clear and didn't get burned too badly." The tall man sighed, running a hand through his hair.

The paramedic was silent, his eyes on the floor. Finally he looked up with a sad smile.

"I hope the kid makes it. Goodness knowsI've seen more than enough others who *didn't*."

The keen gaze softened a little. "You know we'll do our best for him."

"Aa."

*~*~*~*~*

He was floating in an endless black sea, curled into a tight ball, knees hugged closely to his chest. 

_Itai_

The conflicting sensations pierced through his whole body, all hot and cold and flamingly sore at the same time. There was so much pain his overloaded senses had been slightly numbed, but his head was pounding and it still hurt terribly to move. 

_Tired_

So tired. If he relaxed his grip on himself, he could almost see Death reaching out its bony hands to grasp him. But somehow he didn't feel scared. Not one bit. In factDeath almost seemed

_Kaa-san looked so *frail*, lying on that long white bed with lines of pain etched on her deathly white cheeks. So immeasurably different from before, when she had been laughing and strong and sparkling with life. _

She was dying. Anyone could see that. Anytime now, the doctors had said. He had hoped for some time. She had clung to life for another month in defiance of the verdict that she would be unable to make it beyond two weeks, and he had hoped

He *had* hoped.

It was so unfair. His father had died of leukaemia when he was a baby; now his mother had fallen prey to bone cancer. He detachedly wondered if terminal illnesses were hereditary, and finally decided that he didn't really care if they were. 

"Yuki"

"I'm here," he'd managed to say, choking back the grief that threatened to overwhelm him. He had to be strong. For her.

"Promise mepromise meyou'll live."

"'Kaa-san?"

"Thatthat no matter what happensyou won't die. I won't allow you to dienot when you haven't even _lived_ yetyou have to live for your father and me. *Promise*." A faint moan as she said the last, brow creasing in agony.

"H-hai. Hai!" 

She weakly stretched out a hand, and he caught hold of it, squeezing it tightly.

"Remember, little one. No matter" 

"*Live*." 

The thin hand in his grasp slackened, falling limply to the bed. 

NO!

_Iya, iya, _iya_!_

He couldn't--he *wouldn't* die. He'd promised Kaa-san. And he _was_ going to keep that promise. He struggled to get a firm hold on himself, balling his hands into fists until his nails dented the flesh of his palms badly. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to hold on. A thin trickle of blood seeped from his tightly clenched hands, but he never even noticed.

Yet bit by bithis vision was gettingblurry. His mind felt like a dead weight, unable to think properly. An icy numbness began to seep over him, and he struggled feebly against it. 

_So_

The freezing loss of sensation began to creep *inside* him. He fought it, but his hold was gradually weakening. He dimly thought he heard a malicious chuckle echoing in his ears.

_Iya_

And was suddenly engulfed in a burst of shimmering light.

*~*~*~*~*

Pale white space surrounded him. The numbness was gone, and the pain was--thankfully--muted. The whiteness felt cool, soft--almost like moonlight. 

A soft rustling sound came from behind him. He jumped, turning around, and gasped aloud upon beholding a Vision.

Wings, was his first thought. The two large pennons swept down the Vision's back in graceful arches of snowy feathers, seeming to glow with an inner light of their own. The Vision itself was no less beautiful, with shining white hair that fell to its feet and eyes an impossibly bright, deep shade of violet that matched the purple-and-white ensemble it was clad in.

It. Yukito knew that the figure he beheld was definitely something outside the human race. The spirit was otherworldly, too coldly exquisite, too perfect for a mere human. He stared in fascination and not a bit of awe at the massive power he could sense contained within the pale being. 

"How long are you going to gawk?" it asked acerbically, deep voice filling the air. "And stop quivering," gesturing to his hands. "I'm not going to do anything to you." Yukito hastily stilled his hands in some surprise--he hadn't even been aware that they *were* shaking.

"Daijobu ka?" 

Yukito suddenly found his voice. "Daidaijobu." The white head nodded in response. 

There was a brief pause.

"Ithank you."

The spirit looked at him, expression inscrutable. "Don't thank me yet," it finally replied. "Once I go, you'll almost certainly die for sure. All I've done now is create a barrier around you and Death with the combined power of my magic and ki. It's still waiting to get you." 

Again, silence. Yukito broke it a second time, voice flat and weary. He'd thoughtwell, it *had* been too providential. Why should he expect this remote, powerful creature to help him, someone of no consequence to it at all? Why had it even _bothered_ to do this much? 

"Thenwhy? Why bother with all this, if it won't change the way things are going to end? Why *are* you herewherever here' is, anyway? You--whatever you areyou might as well just leave now."

Orbs of purple ice fixed their cold gaze on the young boy in front of them a second time.

"Youseem to love life very much."

"I promised Kaa-san that I'd stay alive. I like to keep my promises."

*~*~*~*~*

_Promises _

"Your mother must have loved you a lot, to make you tie to a promise like that." 

Yukito stared. That last comment had been said in a softer tone, a barely detectable hint of bitterness in the low voice. 

"Did someone you love die, too?" he suddenly asked. He didn't know _how_ he knew that--he just did.

There was no response. Verbally. Violet eyes darkened for a brief, pain-filled instant, the slender form stiffening. 

The young boy gazed at him thoughtfully. "If he died knowing you loved him, I think he must be happy."

Surprise broke through, an almost indistinct start. "And what makes you say that?"

"I wish Kaa-san *hadn't* died, but at least I know she died loving me. She wanted me to live--that's why I'm fighting so hard to stay alive. If I die now, I'll only make her sad and disappointed. I still have a lot of things to doI'll see her again when I've finished them, but not until *then*."

The spirit stared at him, the intensity of that amethyst gaze pinning him to the spot. "Your mother didn't leave you of her own volition. She had no desire to end her own life, had she? If she had had a choice, she would never have chosen to leave you. You *knew* she loved you." There it was again, that faintly bitter undertone souring the words. Yukito paused.

"She never wanted to leave me alone, but," somewhat hesitantly, "if she _had_ chosen to on die purpose, even though I'd be angry and hurt, I'd still love her. I wouldn't understand *why* she did it, but I know that I'd still care for her every bit as much as I had before. Even if she hadn't known I loved her*I* knew, right? I thinkif you really love someone, you'll want to forgive them no matter how much they hurt you. Isn't that the most important thing?"

*~*~*~*~*

Gem-bright purple eyes met his gaze, and Yukito unconsciously held his breath at the medley of emotions churning within them. 

*~*~*~*~*

_I_

I never told youwhat I *really* felt for you, did I? You didn't knowand I cannot blame you for being unaware of what I refused to admit.

Clow

Maybe I won't ever understand your reasons for wanting to die, but that doesn't change how I feel about you. Maybe I won't ever forgive you, but I *will* still care.

You were a selfish bastard, but I know you didn't want me to

grieve. At least you cared that much.

My choice has been made.

*~*~*~*~*

The spirit gave a slight exhalation of air. And smiled, much to Yukito's surprise. Only the barest upward curve of lips, but it *was* a smile.

"I would be able to assist you on a more permanent basis. If you are willing, that is."

Hazel eyes opened very wide. Yukito suddenly remembered to breathe and sucked in a huge gulp of air, coughing. "A-ano" the boy stammered confusedly. 

Was it his imagination, or did the smile actually grow a notch wider?

"I can enter your body and feed it my ki to let it stay alive. In this way, I would then be able to draw your soul back into you. There is this, however--I will not hide from you that I offer to do this largely because I view you as a suitable means for helping me fulfil a duty that my master set me to do. When I enter your body, I will merge with it, becoming part of you, yet still remaining a separate entity with my own awareness. In the process, your memories of the life you lived previously, your parents, your friendsyour remembrances of everything that happened to you before this point in time will be destroyed. You will not even remember meeting me, or be aware that I share your body with you. You will still know your name, but not the things that made up the life of the person with that name."

"I cannot tell you what I need you for, nor disclose any of my purposes or intents. Be warned that there will be occasions when I will forcibly take over your awareness and send the real you into a state of dormancy in order to accomplish my tasks. You will live with memories of my manufacturing, unable to recall whom the previous 'you' really was. In a lot of ways, it is no different from outright manipulation, as if you were no more than a puppet. Are you prepared for that? Would you be able to accept that kind of existence?" 

"The choice is yours, boy. Think hard, and think well." Long arms folded themselves over the spirit's broad chest as it fell silent.

*~*~*~*~*

Yukito shut his eyes, not knowing what to think. Manipulation and all else aside, he was aware that he didn't _really_ have a choice, not if he wanted to keep his promise.

Onlyliving without his memories? 

_'Kaa-san._

He couldn't imagine never being able to recall her bright smile, her warm hugs, and her clear laughter. Or the love in her eyes when she sang to him before he went to sleep, or the gentle concern she gave him whenever he was upset.

He didn't *want* to forget Kaa-san. Not ever. But he had given her his word. And he knew that if Kaa-san had been here, she would have insisted that he accept the spirit's offer. Maybe even *forced* him into accepting it.

It would have upset her greatly if he refused on account of her. 

And that was what finally settled the matter. 

*~*~*~*~*

"Iaccept." His voice rang strangely in his ears, like it was coming from very far away.

The bright purple gaze scrutinised him sharply. "You are sure." It wasn't a question.

Yukito nodded his head silently.

"And you are completely willing."

A soft sigh. "Yes. Yes, I am. I don't want to disappoint my mother" hazel pools looked up at the tall figure, "andand I don't know why, but I trust you. It seemsalmost as if we were destined to meet."

Hard purple eyes softened to a deep violet. "Perhaps. If you wish to knowI am called Yue."

"The Mandarin for moon'?" Yukito queried, smiling faintly. Yue bowed his pale head in acquiescence.

"Tsukishiro Yukito desu."

"Yoroshiku," Yue quietly replied. He hesitated, then added, "I, too, have no idea why, but I also trust you."

Yukito smiled then, a full, sweet smile that lit up his whole face.

And Yue smiled back.

*~*~*~*~*

"Hehe's alive! He's resumed breathing! *_Doctor_*!"

"_What_? Butbut he was *dead* a minute ago! Wait" the doctor's voice trailed off into space as he saw the green line on the machine's screen, indicating a weak but steady pulse. "Heavens," he whispered shakily.

The nurse beside him shook her head in wonder. "This is one *very* lucky boy," she remarked. "Why, you'd almost think he had help coming back to life."

The young doctor's mouth quirked. "You believe in ghosts? I've heard tales about some hospital spooks who like to take over fresh-dead bodies." He eyed the gauze-swathed figure comtemplatingly. "Sure hope this little guy got possessed by a friendly one."

"Nonsense--shame on you, believing in spirits at your age!" 

"Kokoko wa" It was a cracked, hoarse whisper, and effectively captured their attentions. Two half-opened large brown eyes gazed tiredly at them from the pillow. 

"You're in a hospital," the doctor genially replied. "Gave us a shock there, kid. We thought you were dead."

"A" Brown eyes fluttered shut again, the ghost of a smile playing across the soft lips. The boy's breathing was even and deep; he was asleep.

"Well." The doctor glanced at his clipboard, moving to leave the room. "Welcome back to the living, Tsukishiro Yukito-kun."

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~_ It was a choice I made  
To go on for your sake  
To live because of love  
You could not have foreseen my destiny  
Not have felt the pain I'd feel  
Not have wept the tears I'd weep  
But I know you would not have wished it  
And so  
I continue. ~_

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*shakes head*

I'm sorry. *Really.* Hey, at least my AN are shorter here, ne? C&C, *please*! This is shameless begging here

--SnM


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